'That was a promise:' Gold Star family looking for resolution over JBLM burial plot mishap
Gold Star family looking for answers over burial plot mishap
A Gold Star family says their mother was promised a cemetery plot next to their father, who was killed in the Vietnam War and buried at a JBLM cemetery. Now, another veteran has been laid to rest in the space.
TACOMA, Wash. - Mary Dowling laid her husband to rest in Fort Lewis cemetery nearly six decades ago. At the time, there was a plan: Dowling would raise her children, grow old and eventually take her resting place alongside her husband: Chief Warrant Officer Robert (Bob) M. Dowling.
Those plans never changed, at least, not on her end. However, when she visits her husband’s grave these days, another man is buried in the plot she long planned to occupy upon her death.
The discovery has the Gold Star family searching for answers – though, they’re hard to come by.
Bobby Dowling told FOX 13 that his mother received annual verification letters from Fort Lewis for years to confirm that she intended to use the plot. The letters eventually stopped, but a map outside the cemetery – which was also posted to the JBLM website – marked the plot next to her husband’s with the name "Dowling."
That map, according to the Army, was created in 1984 – though it’s unclear who created the map or who maintained it.
According to Garrison Chief of Staff David Fullmer, the current JBLM Casualty Assistance Office has no records showing the reserved plot for Mary Dowling.
"We do not doubt the apparent promise was made to Mrs. Dowling following her husband’s burial, and we do not doubt she received annual verification letters from Ft. Lewis," wrote Fullmer.
"Unfortunately, we do not have records of a plot reservation for Mrs. Dowling, we do not know when or why letters stopped being sent to her, and we have no record of the last time Mrs. Dowling or a family member verified the reservation with Fort Lewis/JBLM."
"All these things are stresses that I would assume one doesn’t need at age 84," Bobby Dowling told FOX 13 via Zoom.
Bobby Dowling flew back home to help his mom sort through the issues this past week. He had to return to his job across the country this week, with no agreement about what to do next in place.
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The Army has offered a few solutions – one includes a future placement of a casket in the left half of the grave adjacent to her husband in her time of need. The tombstone would be engraved to share her details on the opposite side of her husband’s.
"My mom is resolute in not budging when it comes to wanting and desiring her promised grave back," said Dowling. "That was the deal. That was a promise."
Dowling said his mother has been unable to sleep in recent days. It’s a loss that she’s feeling all over again.
Mary Dowling married the love of her life, had children and lived through the shock of her husband’s death. The latest twists and turns are taking their toll. Bobby Dowling said his mother has even warned she made need the site sooner rather than later – a difficult note for her son to hear.
"My sisters and I just want to make this right for my mom," he said, explaining that while they’re frustrated by the situation – they still believe in the Army.
"I think the Army will find a way to make it right for her. We’re always going to have complete and total respect for the organization my father flew with, and died with."
Bob M. Dowling was a helicopter pilot during the Vietnam War. His son said he believes the only thing he loved more than flying, was his family.
Dowling had already served eight years as a Marine reservist when he learned the Army was in need of pilots. The veteran pilot signed on and joined the 197th Armed Helicopter company.
While fighting overseas, Dowling was shot down in the South China Sea. His family was told he was killed by enemy fire – though in recent years, the family has discovered that there is more to the story.
In the book "Returning Fire: In the Beginning," Dowling’s former wingman recounted Dowling surviving the crash and resurfacing. Dowling waved off the rescue to allow his co-pilot to escape first.
As Byerly went back for Dowling, he witnessed him get bit by a large shark, writing: "I must remember those events just as they happened all those years ago… Bob never had a chance and I’ll never forget the look on his face when the shark hit. It was over in an instant."
According to Dowling’s Gold Star son, his mother never knew that part of the story. In the wake of the recent discovery of the lost plot, it’s only harming her further.
Dowling remembers the day his dad left for war: he was sat down the night before and told to take care of his mom and sisters. It’s been nearly six decades, and he feels that order today.
"If there’s time for me as the Gold Star son to step up for this family – the time is now," he said.
It’s unclear if it’ll be that easy. Dowling isn’t sure the other family is aware the situation has even developed – he asked that the name of that veteran not be shared in hopes that they are told directly by the military.
The Army has noted that due to a waterline placement, the plot Mary Dowling was meant to take can no longer fit a casket. The current interment involves a man’s ashes in an urn.