Spider causes man to trash flat, scream death threats

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SYDNEY, NSW - JANUARY 23: A Funnel Web spider is pictured at the Australian Reptile Park January 23, 2006 in Sydney, Australia. The Funnel Web is one of Australia's deadliest animals, with a venom that is packed with at least 40 different toxic proteins. A bite from a Funnel Web causes massive electrical over-load in the body's nervous system. Finally, fatalities occur from either heart attack or a pulmonary oedema, where the capillaries around the lungs begin to leak fluid and the patient effectively drowns. Death can come as quickly as two hours after a bite if no medical treatment is sought. Due to advances in anti-venom, there has been no death from a Funnel Web bite in Australia since 1980. Australia is home to some of the most deadly and poisonous animals on earth. (Photo by Ian Waldie/Getty Images)

SYDNEY, Australia (CNN)“Come on mate, what have you done to her?”

Police were questioning a “flushed” and “out of breath” man who had answered the door to a flat in Wollstonecraft, a small harborside suburb of Sydney, Australia.

The booming sounds of a man shouting “I’m going to kill you” and a “woman screaming hysterically” had earlier echoed through the apartment block, sometime before 2.00am, Saturday November 21. The commotion disturbed neighbors, who were quick to alert the local police force.

“Where’s your wife?” asked one of the policemen.

“I don’t have one,” the homeowner responded, after inhaling some air.

“Where’s your girlfriend?” the officer continued.

“I don’t have one,” he said.

Unsatisfied, the same policeman pressed: “We had a report of a domestic and a women screaming, where is she?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I live alone,” the man protested.

 The officers then told the man that neighbors had heard death threats, screams and the crash of furniture being flung around the apartment.

“It was a spider,” the man tentatively explained.

“A really big one.”

Incredulous, the policeman asked: “What about the women screaming?”

“Yeah sorry that was me,” he said. “I really, really hate spiders.”

A new theory had emerged — the man was indeed alone in the apartment, he was responsible for both the “womanly” screams and the threats to kill. They were not aimed at a woman, but an eight-legged arachnid.

Conscious that this could just be an audacious lie, the police searched the trashed apartment. However, they found just one victim, a “rather large” spider.

After deliberating, the cops concluded that the disturbance was indeed caused by an arachnophobic man wildly chasing a spider around his home, while desperately clutching a can of Mortein insect spray.

After an awkward pause broken by relieved laughter, the police left.

The morning after, the local force posted a transcript of the bizarre conversation to their Facebook Page :

21/11/2015 Wollstonecraft 2.00am. Police received numerous calls in relation to a violent domestic, with reports of a woman screaming hysterically, a man yelling “I’m going to kill you, your dead! Die Die!!”, with the sounds of furniture being tossed around the unit. Numerous police cars responded to the address and began banging on the door. A man answered the door, out of breath and rather flushed with the following conversation:

Police: “Where’s your wife”
Male: “umm I don’t have one”
Police: “Where your girlfriend”
Male: “umm I don’t have one”
Police: “We had a report of a domestic and a women screaming, where is she?”
Male: “I don’t know what you’re talking about I live alone”
Police: “Come on mate people clearly heard you yelling you were going to kill her and furniture getting thrown around the unit”

At this point the male became very sheepish.

Police: “come on mate, what have you done to her.”
Male: “it was a spider”
Police “Sorry??”
Male: “It was a spider, a really big one!!
Police :”what about the women screaming?”
Male: “Yeah sorry that was me, I really really hate spiders”
As it turns out the male was chasing a rather large spider around the unit with a can or mortein. After a very long pause some laughter and a quick look in the unit to make sure there was no injured party (apart from the spider) we left.

Well that’s it for the week, hope your having a great weekend.